Say ‘yes’ to saying ‘no’

Are we failing our children?

I was forced to ask myself this question, while heavily engaged in a conversation with several of my friends earlier this week. The topic of discussion was exactly what we hoped to teach our children by giving them every single thing their little hearts desired.

Let me put the conversation into context.

It all arose due to one friend’s birthday party plans for their god-daughter where the child’s main request was the desire to have a pool party. As we tried to work out the logistics, we fondly recalled the days when having a party at the beach was a treat and one, which was eagerly anticipated by all those invited.
Now in no way am I saying that this child does not deserve her pool party, as she is courteous, undemanding, doing well in school and so willing to help, she offered all of her piggy bank savings to help with the payment.

However, what troubled us are those children with parents who go all out to ensure that their offspring’s every whim is catered to and who therefore are foregoing teaching them some of the fundamental principles of life.

How many times have we heard these parents use the excuse, “I try to give them whatever they want because when I was a child, my mother/father would say no and I am not going to disappoint my child.”

The question for them remains however, what sort of impact did these lacks have on moulding them into the adult they are now. Many of them will say that they learnt the basics of how to ‘cut and contrive’ or the importance of taking care of whatever they were given, regardless of if these things were hand-me-downs or brand new. In addition, they learnt the responsibilities that they will face as they got older and had to face life without their parents. So why would any caring parent rob their child of such experiences? Sometimes hearing no is the best thing for a child.

However, take a serious look around and see how many children growing up in these modern times, have no understanding of the worth of money or how hard their parents have to work to put food on the table.

One of my cousins spoke to me about a party where the eight-year-old birthday boy literally threw a brand-new Kindle back at his mom, after he unwrapped it to realise that it was not the Kindle Fire he had requested.

His mother, instead of correcting him for this disgusting display, apologised to him, promising that by the following week he would have the correct one.
Now it doesn’t take much to think of what this boy’s attitude would be like when he hits his teen years, not to mention his adult years.

While this situation may be an extreme, I have had conversations with many pre-teen and teenagers who speak very matter-of-factly about what their parents ‘owe’ them and therefore ‘have no choice’ but to give them when they ask.

One mother even lamented to me the hike in their electricity bill because their 13-year-old daughter had demanded her own air-conditioning unit in her bedroom and this request had been honoured, in spite of the fact that they live on the beach on the east coast of this island.
One therefore has to wonder when such individuals will get back to being real parents instead of the ready
and waiting ABMs they have seemingly merged into.