Fatherhood more than just biology

SAYING family is at the foundation of building a healthy society, Executive Director of the Barbados Family Planning Association (BFPA) Juliette Bynoe-Sutherland has underscored the importance of fathers in this construct.

 

Her comments came as she delivered remarks at the Sealy AME Church, as the BFPA begins its 62nd anniversary celebrations, which she said did not coincidentally fall on Father’s Day.

 

She explained that many boys’ perception of manhood is shaped by the presence or absence of a father or father figures. “We can teach biblical principles, but children often model what they see. Where do boys get the idea that it’s alright to have multiple partners? Similarly, many girls’ perception of what is acceptable in a relationship is shaped by the relationship with their fathers. “If girls are treated as princesses by their fathers and if they see their father treat their mother with love and respect, they will form the belief  that they too should be treated with love and respect.

 

“In contrast, if girls have no fatherly love and attention it is said they seek this attention in all the wrong places and from all the wrong kinds of persons; just because those guys are filling a need that is unfilled by a father. So fatherhood is more than biology, it is more than being present, more than giving money, children need those unique qualities only caring fathers can bring,” she said.

 

She also lamented that many of our nation’s children are saddled by the emotional burden placed on their hearts and minds by the actions of their parents.

 

One of the issues raised by the executive director is the contentious issue of access. “Many women deny fathers access to children for a range of reasons that they often consider valid. In our view the only reason to deny fathers access to a child is if a father is abusive or a danger to mother and or a child or if he is other wise unfit.

 

“Mothers, it doesn’t matter if fathers are in arrears of maintenance, it doesn’t matter if you are in a new good relationship, it doesn’t matter if the father deeply hurt you. If we agree men add value, we must embrace the child’s right to know his father and the father’s right to be involved,” she said.

 

With national statistics showing that fathers are only in 40 per cent of households, the executive director said there are many single women, women with partners and married women who report that they are left with a disproportionate burden of child care and nurturing.

 

However, she stressed that the BFPA holds the view that only a man can father a child. “Whether that man be the biological father, the step father, the partner, even the uncle, god-father or grandfather. The fundamental mistake [is] to think that, as women, as mothers we can father children. I say this because fatherhood is an awesome God-given responsibility. It is not just about being present or being good financial providers, these things are important, but equally or perhaps more important is being involved and engaged in the lives of your children in a regular and consistent way,” she said. (JH)